Signs of Old Age

November 5, 2009 § Leave a comment


Somewhere in my mid twenties things changed. I’m thinking somewhere after 26. Before that I was invincible. Or I thought that I was. 30 seemed like a distant number, signs of imminent death went unnoticed, and I was happily living amongst the 20s group. You know the group. The fashionistas assigned you to it. If you’re in your 20s you can wear this set of clothes, 30s these, all the way up to sexy 70s. I could still rock mini skirts and leggings and ironic t-shirts b/c I was in the 20s group! The fashionistas say it’s allowed. Nothing to be ashamed of. Well now I’m kind of freaking out because I’m coming to the end of my group! What if I don’t like group 30s clothes!? Will I be that lady that still dresses like she’s 20 when she’s 45? Trying to befriend her kids by talking in their language “Oh Em Gee!” and calling her husband “Boo?” I shutter to think.

Seriously though, time is flying faster and faster and 30 is on the horizon (a 2 year horizon) but I’m already seeing signs of old age. For instance, I’ve started buying anti-aging, anti-wrinkle cream, anti-death gel for my little crow’s feet that have started to form around my eyes. And why does my forehead all of a sudden have creases that won’t go away!? I’m so overwhelmed by this anti-stuff. Nothing seems to actually get rid of it. I mean frankly who are we kidding? If we really wanted to be wrinkle-free we’d invade a 17 year old’s body get botox. I’ll wait til things get out of control though before I start sticking needles in myself. Ick!

Let’s see, other signs of aging:

• Random white hairs appearing. I used to blame them on stress. But I’m not stressed anymore!!!
• Short term memory loss. I forget what I’m Googling mid-Google sometimes.
• Drinking wine and watching a movie on the couch seems like a “fun” Friday night.
• I’ve started getting Chicos catalogue in the mail.
• College guys are looking more and more like little boys.
• I actually like it now when I get carded at bars.
• New moles and other skin oddities are appearing that weren’t there before.
• My feet are no longer baby-smooth but more like scaly sandpaper. (Yummy.)

I’m sure there is more and I may have had a point to all this, but I forgot. <–see memory loss. What’s next? Dementia!? I’m going to go read my Chicos catalog…


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